Four Things

Thing One

Well, my big grocery store outing didn't quite work out yesterday because by the time it was time to go, I had lost most of my stamina and all of my motivation. So instead I made a quick run to our nearby, small grocery store and got some emergency items: cheese, bread and meat (for Sarah's lunches) and oatmeal.

But today is the Big Day. Very shortly I will drive twenty minutes down the beach to the really big grocery store and make up for three weeks of non-shopping. I was going to run a couple errands along the way but then I wisely reconsidered and figured that one mammoth grocery store outing was enough for one day for my newly recovered self.

So that's my excitement for the day. I bet you're going to have a hard time topping that!

Thing Two

We got a call a few minutes ago from a certain College Dude who wanted to let us know he was in Georgia and had his little car pointed straight toward North Carolina. (Be still my heart.) He's due to arrive about 10 pm. I will go to bed a happy woman, knowing that both of my chicks are in their nest where they're supposed to be.

And if Nathan thinks he's leaving in two weeks, well, he's got another think coming! Maybe if I hurry up and rob a bank in the next few days, I could have enough money to pay him for his new summer job called, "Staying Home With Mom."

It could work!

Thing Three

I was so happy to go by Sue G's site and see how many Smithellaneous people had stopped by and signed her guestbook. If anyone deserves to have her guestbook signed, Sue does. I can't tell you how many times I've been reading through different cancer websites and will go to sign the guestbook only to see that somehow, Sue G. has already been there before me. She spends a lot of time signing guestbooks and doesn't just say "Hi. I was here." No, if you've read her entries before, you know they're like something out of a book or a (well written) greeting card. She and her writing are amazing.

Thing Four

Many of you remember that my Dad passed away in August of 2009. Yesterday, was his first birthday spent in heaven--he would have been seventy-four years old. And in heaven, since there is no tallying of years, hours, or minutes, he didn't even know he was supposed to be seventy-four! All he knew was that he was very happy, and that he didn't hurt anymore, and that he could run faster in heaven than the fastest Olympian on earth. (His whole life he always said he couldn't wait to get to heaven so that he could run without pain or weakness.)

So what I pictured him doing on his birthday (instead of blowing out candles on a cake) was spending lots of time (hours, centuries, millenia?) just running. And then running some more. And then being happy that he was able to run, able to breathe freely, able to be at peace in a land infused with the most joyous joys imaginable.

Happy Birthday, Dad. We miss you!

I'll close with a few pictures of him . . .

This is after Sarah's bone marrow transplant. She enjoyed trying to beat her grandpa at air hockey.
Dad with our unofficially adopted brother, Ron. In this picture, Dad had to use a cane. In heaven? No canes allowed.
One of my favorite shots of him. This was taken when he was on the road with us as we traveled from state to state doing concerts and services. He was the kind of person who was always trying to find something helpful to do. I love seeing him in this act of service, with the cross and the sunset behind him.
Sarah and Grandpa. This one needs no words.
Dad bought this guitar for me a long time ago, when I first started guitar lessons. He really couldn't afford it, but he and mom were always my greatest champions and cheerleaders when it came to my music. After I switched to playing piano, he used the guitar himself and loved it so much. Unfortunately, it was stolen from his van about a year before he died.
Mom and Dad--singing on earth, practicing for the eternity that they will sing together.

Sue

Most of you who come by here very often and read the guest book will recognize the name, "Sue G." She is pretty famous around certain websites for leaving comments that entertain, strengthen and inspire.

Well, this is a week when our dear friend needs some strength and inspiration of her own. Please take a minute and go to Sue's website and read about what she's facing right now. And if you feel like leaving a message of encouragement I would consider that to be a personal favor. She's an important part of the Smithellaneous Family and I want her to know that we're traveling with her on this journey.

Thanks so much.

Puberty In Reverse

Today is a big day for me, a very big day.

And why is that?

Because I, yes, even I, am going to the grocery store. Woo-hoo!

I haven’t done any shopping of any sort for almost three weeks, and really haven’t even gone out in public in that period of time. (I’ll go back to church for this first time this coming Wednesday.) I think that it’s not just been a matter of physical recovery for me, but emotional recovery, as well. I’ve flitted around the edges of depression over the past couple of weeks and have had to treat myself gently in order to find the road back out.

Which is not to say that from here on out, it’ll all be hunky dory and easy peasy, or any other phrase you can think of that denotes, well, hunky doryness and easy peasyness.

There are a few different emotional/physical challenges that I’ve climbed over and I know there will be more to come.

The first visible, physical trauma was the day I took off the dressing from my surgery. You can read articles all day long, and hear stories of people who have been there, and even see pictures of post mastectomy cases; however, nothing really prepares you for the first time you see it for yourself. It’s a severe jolt--physically, emotionally, mentally.

And then a few days ago while in the shower, I finally managed to slowly unstick the (ouchie) bandages that remained in place underneath the dressing. And when I had finished that uncomfortable task, I stood in the shower and just cried. Because to look down at what was once a feminine, familiar landscape and to see what looks very much like an act of violence—well, it’s a bit much to handle.

But I’m handling it.

And I’m handling the ongoing pain and discomfort and the oddness of how it all feels, and the challenge of trying to figure out which underpinnings I can wear to restore my outer shape to what it should be so that I can go out in public without feeling self conscious. (Sarah, with her wonderful, wacky sense of humor, calls my condition “puberty in reverse.” Gotta love it.)

And speaking of a sense of humor, Steve and Sarah and I have found a new level of things to smile at in regard to this whole experience. We’ve realized that tip-toeing around the delicacy of the surgical area is just way too much work so we’ve come up with a few phrases and inside jokes which help to release the tension and dilute the trauma and make us smile instead of cry.

And that’s a good thing.

I am very thankful to say that our family has been thoroughly spoiled during this recovery time by the ladies in our church who have dropped off a total of twelve delicious meals for us. (They had another week of meals lined up for us, but we started feeling a big guilty about our embarrassment of culinary riches and told them to hold those meals for another lady who will be having surgery soon.)

So I feel very blessed in that regard, and I feel blessed because I don’t have to have chemo and lose my hair (as well as my breasts). I feel blessed that I’m not a single mom with young children and that I’m not the only breadwinner in our family, which might force me into going back to work before I felt ready. I feel blessed because I was diagnosed with cancer just a little over a month ago and I’ve already been declared “cancer free.”

Treatment is done. Breast cancer scares (of which I have had many) are behind me. Reconstruction is all lined up and ready to go and in 6-8 months, I should start feeling fairly normal again. (Whatever normal might be, by that point.)

So those are the thoughts I’m thinking today. Traumatized thoughts and thankful thoughts, all rolled up together.

Oh yes. I’m also thinking about the exciting grocery store outing I’ll embark on after picking up Sarah from school. You know you’ve gone through something really extraordinary in life when going to the grocery store is an accomplishment and an adventure.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll stand in the middle of the soup aisle and break out into song.

Or not.

______________________________________

I had written earlier that Nathan was driving home from Florida today. Unfortunately, he called this morning and told us he is sick; it looks like it will be another day or two before he is able to make the 13-hour drive home.

Also, there was a question asked about the recent recipe I posted concerning “borders.” In order to clear that concept up a little, I had my highly efficient, lovely graphic artist (AKA Sarah) make up a little diagram which I’m posting here, as well as with the actual recipe.

And speaking of Sarah, they had Sixties Day at school last week; here is her outfit and her “love and peace” signs. Ain’t she cute?

Hallmark Has Nothing On Sarah

Today at lunch, Sarah handed me a Mother's Day card she had made. Complete with cute illustrations it said,


You cook, you clean, you make the monsters in the closet go away. You're the go-to one for advice on how to be a lady. You make every rain cloud have a silver lining, whether it wants to have one or not. You are even quite handy with a fly swatter.

No marriage is perfect, but yours and Dad's could sure set a good example.

All this . . . and you managed to raise two beautiful and amazingly talented children while you're at it.

How do you do it all?

Happy Mother's Day
Sarah
5/9/10

Hallmark has nothing on Sarah!

A Recipe (Poppy Seed Casserole)

While Debbie and Mom were here with us during my post surgical week, Debbie made this casserole for us. I wish I had a picture of it (I was too looped on pain meds to even think about taking pictures) because it is so beautiful, not to mention delicious and healthy.

Poppy Seed Casserole

10 oz egg noodles (wheat or regular)

1 lb ground hamburger or turkey

15 oz can tomato sauce

1 C cottage cheese

8 oz. package cream cheese, softened

1/2 C vanilla yogurt

1 T poppy seeds

1. Cook noodles till tender. Drain and while hot, toss with cottage cheese, cream cheese, yogurt and poppy seeds.

2. Brown meat—may add salt, pepper, and onion if desired.

3. Drain meat and stir in tomato sauce.

4. Spray 9x13 pan with cooking spray and spread 3/4 of noodles/cheese on bottom of pan.

5. Spread 3/4 of meat mixture on top, leaving a 1-inch border.

6. Spread the rest of the noodles, leaving a border.

7. Top with remaining meat, leaving a border.

(Note: It’s all the borders that make this dish so pretty!)

Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees covered; uncover and bake 10 minutes more.

This also heats up great as a leftover.

Nathan News

A few of you commented after my last post, hoping that the bad news I referenced about Nathan wasn't too bad.

So rather than create any unnecessary worry for any of my lovely readers (that would be you), I'll just go ahead and tell you what's going on with him.

The original good news we had back at Spring Break was that he had found a job here in Manteo at a yacht-building company. Well, a couple weeks ago that job fell through because some yacht orders were cancelled.

So he was back to Square One in the job hunting challenge.

Then some more good news arrived. He found another job! At a Christian summer camp! With good pay! Doing stuff he enjoyed!

The bad news?

The camp is in Florida.

And so (big sigh) he will arrive home this coming Monday evening and stay for only two weeks. And then he will be gone. For a good long while--maybe even all the way through the summer and into his senior year of college.

So that's the bad news.

Although I know it isn't completely, totally, entirely bad news--he does have a job, he does get to come home--it is bad news for this mama who was looking forward to having him under my roof for three months.

But on the other hand, I'm happy for him that he has a job and happy that he gets to spend the summer near his girlfriend, her family (who are like a second family to him), his home church, and his buddies in the area.

And I'll be okay.

Because more than being sad about him not coming home, I'd proud of him for leaving the nest and making his way in this world without his Mom and Dad having to hold his hand every step of the way. He's becoming a really fine, really grown up young man. And his dad and I are incredibly proud of him.

And that's the news.

The good news. The bad news. The Nathan News.

The Story of the Drains

Well, we’ve been “found out.”

Mary H. asked if were quite possible that we were the ones who removed the two remaining drains yesterday. And, as a matter of fact, we were.

I called the surgeon’s office yesterday morning to see if they were willing to let my local doctor do the removal to save a trip back to Greenville. They said they were. However, it seems the local doctor wasn’t comfortable doing it, because it was someone else’s medical case. (Lawsuit worries, I guess.)

So then I asked my surgeon’s nurse if it could be done outside of a medical office setting, like if an RN from our church came to the house to do it.

She said that would be fine.

And then I got to thinking about how the first two drains were removed on Monday and that all it involved was a little snip of a stitch and then a gentle tug, and about a foot of plastic tubing came out of the hole in the side of my body. It didn’t hurt, it didn’t bleed, it was no big deal.

(I started off with two drains on each side, as seen in the picture below. Can you understand why I would want them removed? )

And here again, is a picture from the Internet as to what the drains look like. Really fun stuff.

So anyway, while I was pondering whether or not I was “medically equipped” to remove the drains myself, I got to thinking about the period after Sarah’s transplant when I was put in sole charge of this array of medical equipment. If the oncologists and nurses at Duke would trust me with all of this, shouldn’t I also be considered competent enough to snip one stitch and one pull one drain?

I decided I was.

And so I got it into my desperate, female, feverish brain that I was sick (not to mention tired) of living with drains for two weeks and that as soon as Steve got home from picking up Sarah from school, he and I were going to snip and pull as a couple. (I mean, how do you think a strong marriage is forged without a few snipping/pulling adventures?)

When I told him my plan, he was a bit hesitant but I plainly informed him that if he didn’t help me, I was doing it myself. Because I’d. Had. It. And besides, it wasn’t brain surgery, after all. It was one snip and a pull.

And so we did it. He snipped. I pulled. And I must say that it is a very strange feeling to pull a foot of plastic tubing out of each side of ones’ person. Steve was not real keen on looking at the operation but I was so desperate, it really didn’t bother me.

And then presto! I was transformed from this . . .

into this!

Well, maybe not instantly, but it sure did make a world of difference to me, psychologically AND physically.

Some of you commented that you didn’t know I was not allowed to shower while the drains were in. That is true. For TWO weeks, I did not shower. I don’t know if you’ve ever gone for two weeks without showering, but let me just say that I will never again take showering for granted. There is nothing quite like the feel of standing under splashing, clean, clear water and feeling like a human being again.

Ahhhh . . .

So anyway, a big thanks to everyone who has rejoiced with me over my drainless state and also, the fabulous ability to shower that has come back into my life.

In my next update—good and bad Nathan news.

Drains-No-More

All four drains are gone!

I have showered! (When stepping into a shower makes you cry, you know you're teetering on the emotional edge.) :-)

I have put on fresh clothes!

I have washed and styled my hair!

I have even put on make up!

I don't know when I have ever been so happy.

I'll try to post a picture of the new and improved me soon but just getting the drains out has made me feel like a new woman.

Ahhhh . . . . my whole entire self is smiling.