Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Mish Mashed, Miscellaneous, Smithellaneous Post

Since my mind is in sort of a mish mashed state right now, this is going to be a bit of a mish mashed post. Maybe we could even go so far as to call it a mish mashed, miscellaneous post. Or, maybe possibly, even a mish mashed, miscellaneous, Smithellaneous post. Yup. That sounds good to me.

I have quite a few pictures from our vacation that I’ll be posting over the next week or so, but first I wanted to write about one of my goals for last week. That goal was to make it through at least one day (since being diagnosed) without crying.

Can you look at the picture below and try to guess how that goal is coming along? Steve was eating breakfast a couple days ago and I sat down to talk with him a few minutes, feeling all cheery, chipper and chatty. Ten minutes into the conversation, the ol’ emotions welled up and the Kleenex box was, once again, called into use.

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This is the not-so-cheery face I wear around occasionally. Other times, though (and I dare say, most of the time), I feel fairly positive.

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Even on vacation, even at the beautiful beach, there were somber moments. But I know that’s to be expected.

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And speaking of somber moments, Sandy, a cousin of mine recently sent a picture to me I had never seen before.

old mom and dad pix

Right to left, you’ll see my Grandpa and Grandma Clemmerson (Dad’s parents) my Uncle Duane and Aunt Rita (Rita is Dad’s sister and Sandy’s Mom) and my Mom and Dad. (On a non-somber note, you can take one look at my Grandma’s face and know that she was one the zippiest, sauciest, funniest ladies you could ever hope to meet. I miss her!)

The somber note comes with the knowledge that both Grandma Clemmerson and Aunt Rita died of breast cancer.

I’ve always known that they had that disease, but it hit me especially hard after being diagnosed with cancer myself. Even though my prognosis is excellent, I still feel a small, scary shiver at the thought of joining the sisterhood of those who have been diagnosed and didn’t survive—especially when that sisterhood includes women who were (and are) very special to me.

And while I’m on the subject of cancer, several of you have asked if someone would be updating the blog tomorrow. I don’t know when they’ll be able to get to it, but someone will keep you informed as the day progresses.

In fact, tomorrow morning at this very time, I will be in a surgical suite under anesthesia. And the thing that I have been pondering, waiting for, and dreading will be in process. Hard to believe it’s almost here.

Okay. Enough of that!

Now on to more cheery pictures from our vacation.

I was determined to get up early enough one morning to see the sun actually peep over the horizon. And here it is! Peeping! That was so much fun. (Especially since I got to go back to bed, and the sun had to stay up!)

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Just before the sun appeared, several large groups of birds flew by—there were thousands of them. Obviously they were on their way to a Very Important Bird Convention.

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Here are a few pictures of the lovely house we stayed in.

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Steve’s colorful jelly beans.

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And here’s a not-so-lovely picture of a “little plant thingie” that was lurking in the vicinity. I’m not exactly sure what this is, but I will let you know that when you step on one, as I did, you will not be a happy camper. Steve gallantly got down on the ground and pulled it from my foot--without the benefit of anesthesia, might I add. And then he held it up so that you could all see the inherent nastiness of the nasty little thingie. Ouch.

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After I had survived the trauma of the thingie, we walked over the sand dune behind our house to check on the ocean. Just to make sure it was still there. (It was.)

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Steve and I were amazed that as far we could see, there was no sign of anything man made. So cool.

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Well, the time has come to pull my thoughts away from lovely beaches and concentrate on a to do list that’s even longer than that stretch of sand you see above.

It’s hard to believe that this is the last day (for a few weeks) that I will feel anything like normal. It’s going to be an adjustment to not be able to run around and be as busy and productive as I love to be.

But . . . I heard something a long time ago that has stuck with me. It said, “In acceptance, there is peace.”

And that is my challenge during this surgery and recovery—to accept it. To be grateful for a medical procedure that can get rid of cancer, to embrace the period of rest and recuperation, and to not get overwhelmed by the aftermath of dealing (physically and emotionally) with a double mastectomy.

I have my work cut out for me in finding acceptance. In finding peace.

28 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

brooke said...

the thought i had as i read this is the words that the amazing vickie buenger leaves on my blog.. be gentle with yourself during this time. you are in lots of people's prayers..

nancy said...

Sending loving and cheerful thoughts your way and hopeing for a very speedy and not painful recovery. I will be thinking of you tomorrow at this time. with love,
Nancy from Toronto

MN Mom said...

Becky, I realized that I said I would be thinking about you today (as I will be!), but Friday will be a day of many prayers for you that all will be well. Thank you for making sure we will have updates as the day goes along. We will appreciate whatever you want us to know. Prayers are with you for peace of mind and for strength and healing.

jenny said...

Praying for you and your family, sweet Becky. He is faithful and will lead you thru this time. May you feel His loving arms around you every moment. You are precious in His sight.

Eva said...

And so it is, dear Becky, that you travel the healing and acceptance road one moment at a time, surrounded by all those who love you and pray with you and for you...

The invitation is for your focus on the times ahead to be on yourself, your comfort and on the radiant Life you picture for yourself ahead, embracing all emotions and sensations in the process and releasing all fears in just one perfect breath.

All is divine.

In loving light,

Eva

Nicole said...

Becky and Family-have been and will continue to be praying for you. Was wondering if someone was going to update the blog at somepoint after the surgery...glad to read that someone will be. Praying...
Nicole

Kristin said...

Becky,

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this upcoming hard time. I will be praying for peace, comfort, and quick recovery (with lots of chocolate to eat).

~Kristin

P.S. The little plant thingy is a piece from a prickly pear cactus (we have quite a few of them around Arizona).

Anonymous said...

Praying for you.....and all those who love you!!!

Mary Z

Becky, UK said...

Becky, my thoughts are with you now, and will be for tomorrow and the time after. Many hugs.

Lisa said...

Trusting God for and with you ALL.

Ann Martin said...

Glad you had a great time. Pictures are so good. Makes me want to visit soon. Praying for you.

Karen C said...

Will keep you in prayer as you go through surgery, recovery, and the quest for acceptance and peace. I can't think of a better place to start than at that beautiful house and beach!

MaryH said...

My mom has a needlework picture she did many, many years ago hanging on her wall above her chair in the nursing home - it reads "Life Is Fragile, Handle With Prayer." So, Becky, I am confident that with all the prayers coming from all the corners of the "waiting room" that has been set up for you which stesses all across this whole planet, any fragility you may feel at this point and time in your life will be met head on with piles and piles of prayers. I hope you can feel some peace and strength in that knowledge. As scary as it is to think of tomorrow this time, at least when you wake up from surgery, there will be no more guessing of what lies in front of you to conquer. You will know the battle and what it will take and you will meet it head on and with quiet and steady determination and will. The fear of the unknown is much worse. All that will be behind you and you will be setting your sights on the road that lies ahead which will lead to complete recovery. Praying. Praying. Praying.

queenybaby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
queenybaby said...

whoops... take 2!!

Will be sending positive healing vibes your way all day tomorrow, and through the next few weeks. Take care of yourself, follow the doctor's directions as closely as possible, and eat lots of chocolate!!

-Kristina

MaryH said...

Becky, I forgot to tell you how wonderful the pictures were of the beach and sea and house. What a wonderful opportunity for you and Steve to gather strength and peace from such surroundings. Also, it is completely understandable that no one will be able to update us with anything right away, but, with every "hit" you see on this site while we wait for word, I am sure you can count each one as a prayer. Continuing to PRAY!

Marysienka said...

Good luck for tomorrow, Becky. I'll be thinking of you during your surgery, as well as sending good, positive and healing vibes your way!

Warm hugs from Canada,

Anonymous said...

I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family tomorrow. Hugs from MN

Love Being a Nonny said...

May the peace that passes understanding be with you. Praying.

Anonymous said...

It was fun seeing the picture I sent you in your post. And you are so right about grandma, I think the times in my childhood that I laughed the most was with grandma (and Aunt Cheri). If it helps at all, to my knowledge (I would have to confirm it with Aunt CherI) grandma was actually a breast cancer survivor, to my knowledge she did not die of the breast cancer. If I am wrong regarding this let me know, because I always thought this. Although she did have it she was a breast cancer survivor, just like you are going to be.
I will be thinking about you and praying for you tomorrow.
Sandy

Debbie Couture said...

God bless you Becky. I'll be praying with many others. So glad you got to have that wonderful vacation. Will miss your blog for a little while. Bet you will be back writing before you know it. Take care.

Beverly said...

Prayers and warm wishes for tomorrow.

And on a lighter note...the house looks just like the house from the Jon and Kate vacation to the beach! Lovely house!

Anonymous said...

I saw this in a catalog. You may have heard it before, but I thought of you when I read it. If I were more creative and not dealing with this $%&** gall bladder, I would make you a card.
"What cancer cannot do . . .
It cannot invade the soul,
suppress memories,
kill friendship,
destroy peace,
conquer the spirit,
shatter hope,
cripple love,
corrode faith,
steal eternal life,
silence courage."
Thinking about you tomorrow and always,
Jan from Toledo

Anonymous said...

I really don't know what to say right now but felt the need to just let you know one more person out here is thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

Dana in Greenville SC

Anonymous said...

I stepped on one of those little cactus thingies at the beach as a child. OUCH. I had scars for years.

Sending prayers for peace and comfort for you, and praying for your surgeon.
Jill-FL

Debbie Taylor said...

Know that I will be praying for you, for your family, for your doctors and nurses. I will be praying for guidance, understanding, healing and for the peace that only God can give.

Love you all.
Debbie

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