Monday, October 24, 2011

Garnish-Lovin’ Heart. And A Teeny Tiny Rant.

Every other Tuesday, we have an informal lunch at our church.  Everyone is invited and everyone pitches in with a little something; it always turns into a fun and tasty get together.

Well, last week the lunch sort of sneaked up on me and it dawned on me Tuesday morning that I didn’t have anything in the house that I could whip up and take along.  

So I sat in the kitchen.  And I pondered.  And I perplexed.  I pondered and I perplexed until a pondering-produced light finally dawned.  I did have something to take after all!  I remembered that I had a store bought container of unopened potato salad. I traipsed out to our extra refrigerator in the garage where ye olde potato salad was residing and I carried it into the kitchen, so happy to have found something in the house that was take-able. 

However, when I took the lid off the container and peered at the contents within, I felt decidedly uninspired by the blandness before me.  Something needed to be done—something easy and something speedy.

The first thing I figured I could do to increase the salad’s appeal was to take it out of the store container so that it would no longer blatantly announce the fact that it wasn’t homemade.  I spooned it all in a disposable container and set it on the counter for further pondering. 

It continued to not inspire me.

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After a bit more thought, I boiled an egg, sliced it, and used it as a bland-ish potato salad garnish. 

A slight improvement, to be sure.

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I added a few sprinkles of paprika.

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And a wee bit of parsley.

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And with a few simple and quick additions, I went from this . . . to this.

salad3

And my garnish-lovin’ heart was happy.

The end.

A Teeny Tiny Rant

I wrote the above (perky) post yesterday. 

In today’s news, though, I’m having sort of a down day on several fronts.   I’ve been sick for the past few days and am headed to the doctor this afternoon to make sure that it’s not getting into my lungs since my peak flow meter results have been headed downward.

And emotionally?  I’m tired, overwhelmed, discouraged and especially lonely.  I am rather tempted to crawl into bed and put the covers over my head for about a week.  Anyone else ever dealt with the Covers Over The Head Temptation?   Unfortunately, that particular temptation doesn’t usually allow for the fact that life and busyness continue on and all our obligations and responsibilities still tend to sniff us out, even under the covers.

I would be the first one to admit that I don’t have a thing in the world to be sad or down about.  But you know, every once in a while we all just need to give ourselves permission to not be happy.  Or even cheery.  And since pastor’s wives usually specialize in cheeriness, and listening, and lifting the burdens of others (which I count a great privilege),  I think maybe I’ve gotten a little overladen with a few too many loads--loads of others and loads of my own.

At any rate, I am making myself be up and at ‘em today (despite feeling lousy) because there is just way too much to get done.  However, I am reassuring myself with the fact that the emotional pendulum will soon swing the other way and I am also reminding myself that feelings are just feelings . . . they don’t define life, they don’t define me.  They just . . .  are. 

So.  That’s my teeny, tiny rant for the day.

Thank you for listening.

 

20 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

Lesley said...

Oh Becky, how I know the feeling. I'm glad to hear you are heading to the doctor. I know when I am sick, I get all teary and just HAVE to hear my boys' voices over the phone. I hope you feel better soon (in all ways)

Love Being A Nonny said...

You know what I love? I LOVE that you felt comfortable enough to post this. And, I love that you posting this might make others that feel the same way, a little more encouraged.

lifebythecreek said...

Heaven help those of us who are in this season of our lives, Becky. I was never one to use hormones as an excuse... until now. Gracious, there are times when I just want to.. well.. pull the covers over my head and disappear! So I completely understand and am praying that a) the doctor will get you the medical help that will make you feel better, and b) the Great Physician will fill your heart with joy.. xoxox.... (and that potato salad turned into a work of art! or rather... a work of heart.....)

Deb said...

Becky,

I agree...at this stage with the hormones, although I don't use it as an excuse, I think it tips the scales when they are other things going on. I hope the Dr. can give a little insight on the not feeling well.
Here is my tip: I allow myself a little "pity party" once in a while. It is short-lived and no other guests are invited. The entertainment is usually a book or movie that will give me an excuse to shed a few tears under a warm quilt with a cup of tea.
My family knows that when I announce my party, it is time to give me a little space. Then, TA-DA, it is over and everything looks a little brighter!
It is my way of re-grouping.
Hugs, prayers and thoughts are with you.

MN Mom said...

Becky, I do hope you are feeling more like your normal perky self soon. Get well quick!

Anonymous said...

They make meds for that and from experience...they help tremendously, even if you don't take them long. Hope you get to feeling better.
Kaye Joyce
kayej09@yahoo.com

Guerrina said...

Oh,yes! I certainly have wanted to pull the covers over my head in recent months many times! And you know what? I allowed myself to do that several times and just cried my heart out to the Lord even though I wasn't always sure what was going on...however, He always knows! When I'm coming down sick I get emotional and never realize that's the reason until after I'm a snotty mess! After I get "it" all out, then I start to chuckle and thank the Lord for His patience with me. May the Great Physician fill your lungs with air and your heart with joy, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Becky,

I'm sorry to hear about the sad days. I went into a funk over 3 years ago and fought it for a year. I finally had to admit that I wasn't going to be able to "perk" myself up even though I knew all the things I needed to do. I finally gave in and for 2 years I've been on the lowest dose of Effexor and that's the boost I needed. I still have sad days but not sad weeks any more. Hard to admit I needed the chemical help but I'm glad I did.

Prayers and hugs,
Connie F-G

Jenna said...

Hi Becky,
Just said a prayer for you that you will feel better and God will lift your spirits!

One thing I have learned is it is okay to have a down day. Now if you are always down and sad something is wrong and it is a good time to seek help medically, spiritually Ect). But that is not you; you are usually happy and optimistic. I think sometimes as Christians we feel pressure to always be happy and perky and presenting a positive image. I can imagine this pressure would be magnified for people in ministry like yourself.

I think the pressure also comes from our consumer driven culture where we are daily inundated with advertisements that erroneously spread the idea that if we just do or buy something we will be inordinately happy and will finally achieve the "good life.".

But, the truth is we all have down days now and then and it is okay. Every day doesn't have to be a sunshine; sometimes the most soul- restorative days are the quiet dark ones. I've found its sometimes easier to hear God's voIce on the dark, cold days than the busy, self sufficient sunny days!

In the deep winter, my city accumulates 3-7 Ft of snow and the sun goes down at 4pm (and doesn't rise till 9 am). Those 5-7 months are good months to snuggle by the fire and read a good book. In the summer, our weather is considerably warmer and we have sunlight from 4 am till nearly 11pm. Those are good months to be outdoors. I think life is like that- some days are happy and full of sun and others are quiet. And this is ok, even as it should be.

I encourage you to make tea (or whatever your favorite drink is), eat chocolate, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, and read your favorite novel. At least, those things always help me!!!

I hope you feel better soon! Thank you for your transparency and honesty with your post today.

Jenna Hoff

The Pennington Point said...

Oh boy does that ring true with me! I want to pull the covers back over my head most days...but it goes away once I am up and running. I am sorry you had a hard day. It will pass. You are loved. :) Lisa~

Anonymous said...

I have these days (weeks!) too, and they always pass. Hope things are looking sunnier tomorrow and that you feel better too. Jill-FL

Marysienka said...

I'm glad you wrote about this kind of feeling or the "Covers Over The Head Temptation" as you call it (which is a very good way to decribe it!). It is such a NORMAL feeling to get once in a while. Sometimes, it just happens... Now, you should feel happy I just confirmed you are human ;)

In any case, I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself, Becky, as well as you do it for other people.

R.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you aren't alone! I feel like I have a black cloud over me right now. A family member is going through a very trying time right now and it's eating me up, my son is having a series of small medical blips that are stressing me out, I'm having my own small medical blips, and today my husband comes down with a stomach bug and has spent about 20 hours in bed--on the first day of my vacation! Tell me it ends soon! I just keep telling myself 'God's got this' and hope all is well soon! Hoping the same for you!

Lib (W-S, NC) said...

Becky, you are such a ray of sunshine to all of us and keep us uplifted with all the goings on in your life! Take care!! I hope you feel better soon!!

Anonymous said...

Sending love and hugs to you! I did pull a snuggly afghan over my head yesterday and took an hour nap on the couch--it was wonderful.

You go ahead and pull those covers over your head when you need to. With all you have faced and continue to face, I'm amazed at the great attitude you maintain and all the things you accomplish every day--you are an incredible lady and I am proud of you! Hope today is better.

love deb

Karen C said...

Becky ... rest assured that we all have those "not sure what it is but I feel blah" days. Sometimes we really DON'T know what it is, but if the truth be known, sometimes it isn't necessarily a "big something" but lots of small things that just add up and take up room in our hearts. The hormones are running crazy, and at this point there are so many changes (children growing up and thus our roles are changing, another new wrinkle, etc.). Although all in all it's not a bad thing, it's still an adjustment!

I'm hoping that your heart has been lifted since your post. Prayers being said for you!

MaryH said...

Becky, I had, actually am still having, one of those "pull the covers over my head" day(s). I know exactly why I am having them and I am trying my best to remedy it - don't know if I can. But, I needed to hear your post - "feelings are just feelings, not real life" - thank you and I hope you are up and feeling better now. I think your potato salad post was great - that is exactly what I do with potato salad to take to a dinner because store bought is always better than my homemade and with a few garnishes, tah-dah - it is a fabulous tasting and looking dish.

Anonymous said...

Becky,

Not sure how much country music you listen to, but this song speaks so loud.

I'll Love you Through It
By: Martina McBride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNOXRifXKQ&feature=share

Ann Martin said...

Sorry you are not feeling well. I am just tired. Last night was a rough night as I spent from 11 PM until 7 AM today with two dear friends (directed both girls weddings) as we watched their mother (also a dear friend who helped my Mama make my wedding veil) grow weaker and fever reaching 106.4 about 3:30 AM today. No sleep until about 5 AM and then 10 minutes naps. I did go home at 7 AM and to bed from 8 AM to noon. She is not any better and not responding. Only God knows in His time. This follows the death of a dear friend on 10-12 whose funeral I spoke at on 10-15. Added to that my Mama was in the hospital from 10-13 until 10-17. Stresed out and werry eyes tonight. Time to close them.

Sue G said...

It's not even six in the morning yet and I am trying to catch up on the three blogs I faithfully read...somewhat unfaithfully these past few weeks due to very early daily radiation appointments. And I can't believe how good that store bought potato salad looks!!!! Now I'm hungry and that darn ole' plum will have to do until radiation is over. Last day, by the way.

I am sure by now you are well on the way to feeling better emotionally, physically, spiritually and any other "ally" word we can think of. I know you...you may get down but you don't stay down. And it's not because of the ministry or your responsibilities...it's because you love life, you love to laugh, you love to love. And anything that diverts that focus will only get a brief interruption in your life.

As a person who has taken two steps forward and six steps backward only to be racing forward again and again, I well understand the burdens of weight that can consume us. But life is about momentum and without forward and backward motion we would not move fully through it. I know you know that.

Sometimes we just need a little more TLC...and if anyone is surrounded by TLC it is YOU. So, rest, recoup, recover, and rebound. There is only one way...and your path is always clear.

Even through the gunk and all.