Monday, August 17, 2009

Too Little Sleep, Too Many Tears

Thank you for your many words of encouragement, e-mails, promises of prayer, and virtual hugs. I feel very "surrounded." (In a good way of course!)

Dad is still hanging on to life. The siblings are still coming and going from his bedside, still crying for him, for each other and for mom. We're all more aware than ever of the ties of love that are holding each of us up, and tying all of us together.

Depending on how Dad doing tomorrow when we get home from this trip, I may be flying out very soon. It's been a roller coaster of emotionally massive proportions as he rallies for a few hours, then plummets, then gets better, than takes a turn for the worse. Every time the phone rings, I think it's going to be "The News" and I wonder, when the time comes, how I will take it. How I will feel. How hard it will be to hear the final words. I talked with my sister a few minutes ago and she said it looks like it's coming down to the next day or two.

Tonight at 6:30 is our big, scary and important meeting with the seven men and one woman of the pulpit search committee. It's hard to believe that so much can hang on just a few hours. And with my stress load already pretty high with dad's situation, I hope I don't end up going in there and babbling and rambling and making no sense whatsoever.

The tears come and go with no warning. I had a very teary moment last night when Debbie called and said that dad was asking to go to my two websites and read them. He wanted to see what I had written and see the pictures that had been posted. It occurred to me that in a few hours/days, he would never again see anything I had written and it hit me pretty hard.

He also wanted to look on a map and see where we were traveling this weekend. He's always followed us closely in all of our journeys and has sent his love and prayers along with us. Hard to believe that those won't follow me anymore either.

Sigh. I need to go and get ready for the evening. I'm hoping that my make up might miraculously be able to disguise too little sleep, too many tears.


19 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

MaryH said...

Your dad will always follow your journies and send his love and his prayers - that is something a father never stops doing - from Earth or from Heaven - and sometimes, I know this for a fact, those prayers, love and evidence of his knowing our paths and where they are taking us is more profound when he is free of the bonds of this life and his perspective is from above. When it happens, you will understand. You will be amazed. You will be happy and it will give you peace and security. So, Becky, you may not be able to see your dad soon with your eyes but soon you will see him in places and in ways you can't even begin to realize. It will be hard, it will be sorrowful, it will hurt but....your dad will never leave you to be alone. When my dad died, my first reaction was "I don't know where to find my dad! For the first time in my entire life, I don't know where he is." I didn't have to wait long before dad made it perfectly clear to me where he was and he has not been more than a prayer or a thought or a whisper away ever since. Good luck this evening - you will do a wonderful job.

lynie said...

Thank you for taking the time to update Becky...I have been thinking of all of you so often!

Peace that passeth understanding...one of the things I always try to center myself around when there is so much to handle in my life. May you feel that peace on this day!

Lynie

Nancy said...

Praying for your strength tonight and in the days that come. Hold each other tightly. May God be with you.

queenybaby said...

I rarely find the 'right words' in situations of loss and pain, but I am thinking of you and your family.

-Kristina

Lyndsay said...

MaryH said it better than I could!
Good luck tonight!

Marysienka said...

As always, I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts...

Good luck for tonight. My good vibes are sent your way.

Renee

Sue G said...

Dearest Becky:

I am finally home where I can actually sign in and comment after reading all of your honest and very poignant writings concerning your dad's journey. The phone call between him and your family just turned me into a puddle. You dad is very special indeed. To leave you all with such tender and spot-on words that describe your very essence is such a gift. How blessed you are and have been to have had this man in your life!

"Hearing" the things your dad spoke to you makes it so much clearer why you chose Steve and also why you raised your kids the way you did. You have such a foundation of love, loving words, and a glimpse of how God loves you. I cannot in my wildest imagination conceive of what it must be like to be raised with such expressions of pure affection and truth.

I am praying for your family and for your dad, mom, sisters, and all who have been blessed to be loved by that wonderful man. His presence will be greatly missed on this earth, but the thoughtful and considerate presents he has given you over the years will be ongoing. You carry them--and him--in your heart, in your mind, and in your memories.

Travel mercies, my friend. May the love of God surround you, the strength of God protect you, and the peace of God encompass every cell of your being.

Anonymous said...

Your close in my thoughts and prayers Becky. You are very blessed to have such a close family in good times and in sad. Take care and remember to embrace each moment along the way.
Colleen

Pam D said...

You know, Becky, when I read Sue G's words (STILL praising God over here for NED, Sue!), I saw the phrase "travel mercies". I've read it, I've said it, and I've written it in comments and letters. And now, we pray for travel mercies for your dad, on this most special journey. He need not pack a bag, or even put on shoes; where he's going, he'll have everything he needs. And while you will feel great loss, he won't be lost. You'll know right where he is. My dad's journey was sudden and swift; your dad is taking a little longer flight. But in the end, they arrive at the same destination, and I'm asking God right now to send MY dad over to give yours a hug when he gets there.
Praying that God fills you with His strength to make it through tonight. And Godspeed on your journey, and on your dad's as well. I love you, my friend...

Beth Cooper said...

Praying for you in ALL you have going on. May God's strength be made perfect in your weakness!!

Beverly said...

I hope the meetings tonight went wonderfully. Hopefully soon you'll have some fantastic news to share!

And I'm not very good at giving encouraging words in during such stressful times...but I know that your dad will always know your words and watch your steps. Always.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh Becky... I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's a wonderful, gentle man who cares tremendously for others. I'm thinking of you and your family. All the best with the concerts and interviews. Talk about overwhelming days... If anyone can get through it - your family can!

Thinking of you...

Tessy

Anonymous said...

Becky~~~I know what you are going through. My dad died about 9 1/2 years ago, and it is sometimes still just as painful as ever. I miss him every single day. You are in my prayers. Isn't it wonderful to know that you will only be apart for a little while, and together for eternity? God bless you.

Kristi

www.caringbridge.org/visit/davidkoury

Anonymous said...

Dear Sweet Becky,
Just want you to know my heart breaks for you. My biggest fear in life was the loss of someone close to me, and I lost my dear daddy on June 5, 2005. But you know what? God's grace was truly and amazingly sufficient. My daddy knew Jesus (like your daddy does) and had been sick for quite some time. While it WAS a very difficult time for us, I can honestly tell you that I felt God's peace like never before. And when that time comes for your daddy, you'll feel that same peace beyond understanding. Because our God is gracious like that. He loves us all so much. You are in my prayers. God bless.
jenny in Idaho

Gail Duncan said...

Becky and Family, My prayers are for strength and comfort for you during this time of sadness. I also pray for safe travel when you go to Wisconsin.

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