Monday, March 29, 2010

Oh My.

“Oh my.”

That just about sums up my first official day in Cancer World. I am exhausted and overwhelmed and quite sure that I will never be able to make the proper decisions about any of this. So much information to consider! So many scary words! And pictures! And descriptions! And appointments! And procedures! And outcomes! And complexities! And side effects!

It’s. Just. Too. Much.

When Steve and I left this morning (at 7:30 am) I was freshly showered, freshly made up, and freshly rested. And besides, some friends had given me a wonderful gift that brought a big smile to my face. I was feeling relatively perky and even positive enough to ham it up a little for the camera.

IMG_3024 IMG_3025

At 5:30 this evening? With the chocolate exchanged for a cancer book? Not so much.

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Is that a pitiful face, or what?

On the bright side, I was incredibly blessed, encouraged, and happy-fied by all of the messages left for me—here and on Facebook. I am overwhelmed (in a good way, this time) with the support I feel flooding in from all over everywhere.

I’m a bit too discombobulated to go into a lot of detail tonight but I will say that on Wednesday, I am scheduled for an MRI. At least 20% of all early stage diagnoses are proved wrong when an MRI is done. (Meaning those cancers are actually worse than originally diagnosed.) Especially, since I’ve had so much “weirdness” going on for so many years, they want to be absolutely sure of what they’re dealing with before going into surgery.

Next Tuesday, Steve and I will make the 4 1/2 hour round trip back to Greenville (it will be the fifth trip by one or both of us) to get the MRI results, meet again with the breast surgeon and plastic surgeon (we met with both of them already today) and come up with a plan of treatment.

Tonight my brain is mush and the only treatment worth considering is a “rescue dose” of chocolate. And then a large application of a warm, soft bed. And then a prescription for at least ten hours of sleep. Followed by a brief dip into the waters of denial before I delve into all the books, brochures and information I’ve been given and hope that my brain will turn out a coherent thought.

Before I close, Steve, Sarah, Nathan and I want to thank you for your prayers, love, and virtual hugs. I have read every comment that has come in. Some I’ve cried over, some I’ve laughed over. And every single one has been appreciated more than you could ever know.

I’ll be back tomorrow . . .

29 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to read this news and will keep you in my prayers. May God wrap his arms around you so you can feel the hugs of your cyber friends as you go through the coming weeks of decisions and treatments.

judi mitchell, franklin, mass.

Lisa said...

I'm so glad to hear from you already. And hoping you are in that 20% proved wrong my the MRI.

Hugs,
Lisa

Angie said...

Praying for you Becky....cancer to strike a family once is hard enough, but twice is just terrible. However, we know the Ultimate Healer and know that He has gone before you even in this. Your family is in my prayers and I will gladly lay your name at Jesus' feet.

Anonymous said...

So sorry...........you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers~

Anonymous said...

Becky,
You've written this as the Jewish community begins its celebration of Passover: a time to pause and remember the grace and mercy of a loving god who spared his people from harm, delivering them instead to the promised land. This is certainly no coincidence.
Be blessed.
-mkh

Melanie said...

I'm with Lisa. I pray you're in that 20%.

Love the chocolate diet pill. :)

Praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Hi Becky, Oh, I am so sorry to read of your cancer diagnosis. I have been doing most of my internet "stuff" via my blackberry and I dont think a single comment I have left anywhere for anyone has gone through in months- so tonight, after reading your most recent update, I brought out the "big gun" - my laptop. I just wanted to make sure this comment went through - so that you know you are in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. Yours is a Family of SURVIVORS and there is no doubt you will come out victorious over this beast known as cancer.

Deb Mathy
(I guess I have no clue how to post a comment - so I do hope this goes through to you!)

Jeni said...

Praying for you and your family.

Deb said...

I was so glad to see an update--what a day you had. Thought of you and prayed for you many times today.

We love you.

Love, Randy, Deb, Caleb

Deb said...

I was so glad to see an update--what a day you had. Thought of you and prayed for you many times today.

We love you.

Love, Randy, Deb, Caleb

Darla Hall said...

Becky,
I could not comment yesterday, because words failed me..., You are an incredible woman. I admire your godliness, strength and the excellent mother and wife you are.
I began following way back when Sarah had her transplant and have continued to follow for the wonderful up and down and up journey, heartfelt lessons and endless laughter that you share.
I pray for your whole family at this time. I can't imagine what the word "cancer" brings up in each of you. I know that you are in Gods hands, and he will carry you through whatever will he c hooses for you. I just pray for a peace that surpasses all .., for You, Sarah, Steve, Nathan and Snowy too.
All my Love,
Darla Hall

Pam D said...

hooooo... wow!!! 99 comments on that last post; well, now we know where all of the lurkers hang out! Hey all you people... we will be calling for a prayer vigil at some point (IF needed, because I am personally going FLAT ON MY FACE when I finish typing this, believing that you WILL be in that 25% that was mis-diagnosed!). So lurkers unite.... pretty please? Becky is one of MY most favorite people in the world, and I know ... with all my heart... that God put each one of YOU here for a reason. And right now is your calling, so come on out of the woodwork and cheer this beautiful woman on!
Becky, you've not really left my thoughts at all. Do you ever hear that low hum when fluorescent lights are on? It's just "there"? Well, you are just "there" in my heart... and every few minutes I'm sending up a "breath prayer". Lord, be with her. Father, let her feel Your hand on her shoulder. God, be near....
Love you, dear one...

Anonymous said...

Again.... Hugs from Jersey.

~Sarah, New Jersey

Tammy said...

One day at a time...one minute at a time when necessary. It might be out of line but big hugs and prayers for Sarah and Nathan tonight. I am sure it's difficult for Nathan especially being away, and he is my thoughts tonight.

Kristin said...

Becky,

I am praying you are in that 20% that was misdiagnosed. Both my grandmother and her sister have had breast cancer and are now survivors. I know you are a very strong person and with the strength of the family you have beside you you will be able to get through this. Your virtual friends are also here ready to help you in any way possible. You are one amazing person.

Praying that you are in that 20% that are misdiagnosed.

Hugs,
Kristin

Jenna said...

Becky,
Sending you hugs and prayers from Canada.

I'm a writer, but words fail me right now- Please just know that I am so very sad to hear about your diagnosis- and at the same time I admire your strength, tenacity, and courage. You are a strong woman- and you serve a mighty God who is even stronger!

Love,
Jenna

randybethmo said...

Hello again...it is getting close to my bedtime (8:30) and you are on my mind. I just pray that you get a good night's rest and wake up ready to tackle another day's worth of "adventure."... Becky, continue to hold tight to HIM and we will all storm Heaven for you. Praying for the 20!!!!

Randy & Beth in California

A Mom' Serious Blunder said...

I am having a hard time coming up with something to say...I am so scared for you and so very sad. BUT I have hope and faith. I will be here every step of the way praying. I can not believe as a family you will have to go through this again. I will say a special prayer that Sarah will not be afraid and give you strength because god knows she is one strong young lady....just like her mama.

Anonymous said...

Well dang...that's about all I've got tonight...just dang...

Strength and love and peace and whatever else you and your family need, let it be yours now!

Perfect health and health-filled solutions to you!

Love, Lynie

Redeemed1 said...

I am so sorry. I've been away from my sompiter for a few days and so I just read this now. I will be praying for you!

JoAnn said...

Becky,

My heart goes out to you! As a cancer survivor seeing someone else go through it is always heart rending. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that your healing process goes as smoothly as mine did.

JoAnn

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