Thursday, February 3, 2011


Steve has always been one of those people who can eat anything he wants, any time he wants, and never gain weight or have any negative effects from it.

Which (may I just say?) can be just a wee tad annoying to live with. I mean, I can just walk past a brownie mix and add an inch to my waist whereas I’ve had to listen to Steve say during most of our marriage, “Well, I’d better have a piece of cake before bedtime so that I can keep my weight up.”

Could a jury possibly convict me for throttling such a man?

However, in recent months, his cholesterol has come back a little high and so he’s been on more of of a mission to alter his diet a bit. And he’s doing very well with it, I must say.

(I must also add that I am more pleased than I can tell you to hear him ask how many calories or fat are in a particular dessert. Ahhhh. Sweet revenge. He finally has to do what I’ve been doing for twenty-nine stinkin’ years! Mwahahahaha!)

But I digress. . .

Since I can also stand to watch my calorie and fat consumption (understatement of the year), he and I have pretty much been on the same page, food-wise.

Except for one item. And this is serious stuff, folks.

My darling husband loves lots of crackers with his lunch time soup and has now started requesting that I buy him fat free crackers.

Now while I can happily consume things like low fat Ranch dressing and 2% milk all day long, there are some places where I feel compelled to draw the line.

And ladies and gentlemen, fat free soda crackers would be one of those places. To me, they are hideous, horrible, and horrendous things. (Want me to tell you how I really feel?)

And so, since the overall cost is not any greater (each box just lasts longer) I have started buying His-n-Her Crackers.

Which would work out just dandy except for one small problem. The wrappers on the crackers look exactly the same. So if I see a lonely sleeve of crackers in the cupboard that has been extracted from its sponsoring box, well, how am I to know if I’m about to bite into the yummy full-of-fat cracker or the loathsome free-of-fat cracker?

It’s a real issue, people.

And so, caving into my personal paranoia of inadvertently consuming you know what, I got out my marker and carefully labeled each sleeve of crackers.


A little OCD? Probably.

Well, Steve took one look at my all my careful organizing and labeling of the conglomerate cracker population in our family and made a solemn announcement, “Honey, it seems to me that you have a severe case of acracknophobia.”

(imagine rim shot here.)

12 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...I eat those same fat-free crackers with my soup. I never realized they were so disgusting:)

And yes, its ok to throttle him. I remember having a friend years ago that would pig out on pancakes before going to the beach so that her stomach wouldn't be too flat! Can you imagine!?!

Cindy in VA

Guerrina said... goes...saltines should most definitely contain fat so they hold together well when I slather peanut butter on them for breakfast! No use for the green box of saltines - sorry Steve!

Anonymous said...

I can eat the fat free crackers, but the no salt kind are awful!

Anonymous said...

My husband and I are the same way only reversed. I like the fat free salt free crackers myself and he says it's the same as eating small pieces of cardboard only the CB would probably taste a bit better and do we have any CB anywhere he really doesn't like my crackers. I of course am not quite as nice as you are because I don't bother to buy the regular full of salt, high blood pressure in a box crackers so it's either eat the FF no salt or don't eat crackers. :)

Dana H in SC

Love Being A Nonny said...

Give me the regular too you acracknophobia you!!!

Anonymous said...

You should send that one in to Reader's Digest and maybe get a couple a hundred bucks! :-)

Love the bathroom re-do, BTW!

Love deb

CJ said...

I cant honestly say I have ever tried a fat-free saltine...but that just doesnt sound good! My sisters husband is the same way - he eats twice as much and twice as often and is always worried that he isnt gaining enough weight! So not fair :)

Shannon said...

As I was reading your post I was thinking "Well Becky just get a marker and write on the packages" ha!!

Hats off to you to be able to eat low fat ranch dressing!

Good Luck on your healthy lifestyle change!!! :)

Nancy(bratt) said...

I eat those crackers and I think the fat free ones are delicious!!! They go perfect with any broth, soup or spaghetti(family not me). They also help with my stomach upsets and help me absorb my meds better. But, I LOVE those crackers. Especialy the fat free ones. You got to love them!!!
Might I add that my father, who is the ripe age of 66 can still consume anything, at any time in any quantity and still not gain one single pound.
But for the crackers? I love 'em

Andrea said...

Oh this made me giggle. It's nice to know that other families have the same quirks as mine. While home for Christmas we had homemade soup one evening and had FOUR kinds of crackers to accommodate all the dietary needs in our family -- gluten free, oyster, fat free and low sodium. I stuck with the low sodium since I agree that the fat free are pretty awful.

The Pennington Point said...

This is the saddest thing I have ever read. The horror of biting into an unexpected fat-free cracker when you were expecting fat is unthinkable. How do you live with it? You poor, poor woman. ;) Lisa~

Anonymous said...

OK, I HAVE to ask for clarification on one point: by putting 2% milk on par with fat-free ranch and diet crackers, are you saying that you would prefer something ABOVE 2%? Like whole milk?
If so, I gotta ask how it is - is it like melted ice cream? Or just a little richer than regular milk?
I buy fat-free soy milk but was raised on skim, and I'm honestly fascinated. I've tried 1% and 2% before, but whole sounds like a new world, you see.