Cancer Road. Comments on Your Comments.

Edited to add: Buff just e-mailed me the link where you can get the "Old Guys Rule" t-shirts. (There was a question about that in the comment section.) Here is it is! http://www.oldguysrule.com/products/Legend_Badge-454-7.html Thanks, Buff.

I know I haven’t talked much about my breast cancer journey recently so here’s a wee little update.

My next appointment with “Dr. Brings-Me-Pain” is on Monday; thankfully (as far I know), this should be a non-hurting appointment. From what I understand, he just wants me to come in every month until the exchange surgery so that he can be sure that everything is looking (and stretching) the way it should.

I’m planning to ask him if he’s able to be flexible in the scheduling of the surgery as far as moving it forward 2-3 weeks. (Among all surgeons, the average wait between the last saline fill and the exchange surgery seems to range between six weeks and four months.)

Obviously part of the reason for the delay is to let everything stretch that needs to be stretched, i.e., the skin and chest muscles. (And no, that is not such a fun process.)

In my case, the nurse said I was “ahead of the game” as far as having plenty of extra skin; as a result, it’s not really having to do much stretching. However, I am really aware of chest muscles stretching, especially when I lie down or turn over in bed; there’s a deep ache in that area which comes and goes at strange times. (Which I guess is a good thing; it means something is happening.)

Ideally I would love to have the surgery before Sarah goes back to school. Even though the replacement surgery recovery won’t be as difficult as the mastectomy recovery was, it would still be nice to have someone in the house with me for a few days afterwards to fluff my pillow, soothe my fevered brow and bring me chocolate bars. (And lots of pain killers.) Since I won’t be in bad enough shape to summon family members from afar, a little part-time nurse would be ideal.

So we’ll see. If the plastic surgeon is adamant about waiting the full three months (even though other surgeons wait half that long), I could always kick and scream and throw something to try to change his mind. Apart from that, however, I suppose I could always choose to capitulate. Or else, I could absquatulate! (See yesterday’s entry for your new vocabulary word.)

I’m a part of a wonderful discussion/information forum at a Breast Cancer site which has given me all sorts of helpful information about this complicated journey. A good number of the women on the site wrote that they really looked forward to the exchange surgery but then were depressed after it was done. I guess the surgery represents the finality of the whole process and reminds them 1) that their old breasts are truly gone forever and 2) their new breasts will never be able to take their place. It’s just another layer of the cancer grief that has to be worked through. Of course, other women aren’t depressed at all so maybe I’ll land in that group and be known as the “The Happy Post Exchange Lady!”

On a humorous note, I read on the site about a t-shirt some of the ladies wear that says, “Yeah, these are fake. The real ones tried to kill me!”

Gotta keep a sense of humor!

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Questions and Answers From the Comment Section:

Anonymous asked, “What is Snowy’s middle name?”

Okay, you all have to promise not to laugh at this answer. His middle name is, er, Studmuffin.

Seriously!

Well, it’s not actually on his birth certificate, but it is the name our family chose when he was handed to us as an 8-week old ball of fluffy, white cuteness. Snowy Studmuffin Smith. It just suits him, doesn’t it?

Anonymous asked, “Where did you get Steve’s 'Legend In His Own Mind' shirt?"

Actually, I don’t know the answer to that question since the shirt was a gift. I just know it was from a shop here on the Outer Banks.

Jodi asked, “Will a visit with Victoria be happening this summer?”

Since the girls now live 6 1/2 hours apart instead of 3 1/2 hours, visits have gotten a bit more complicated. The two girls would love to see each other, though!

Randee said she just realized we lived near a family whose blog she follows, Confessions of a CF husband.

Randee, yup, we are indeed about five or six miles away from them. We met Nathan and Trish a few weeks ago and they are as wonderful in person as they are on their blog.

Lesley asked, “What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Hmmm. I don’t really have a favorite. I guess I would have to say that anything with texture or “chunks” would be high on my list. I love butter pecan, or ice cream with bits of Heath bar mixed in or any other sort of chewy, chocolate-y addition. Just plain, smooth, creamy ice cream is not something I like. (And if you want to hear something strange, I sometimes break up saltine crackers and stir them into plain ice cream. Salty, crunchy and smooth—all in one dish. Yum.)

Stacy asked, "Does Sarah like to cook dinner other than desserts?"

At this point, she’s pretty limited in that area. (And that’s my fault; I need to get a Cooking School going here at the Smith House.)

She has made Pigs in a Blanket (with hot dogs and crescent rolls) and various Hamburger Helper dishes. She’s also very good with getting a meal together if I have a pre-made casserole in the fridge. A couple times when I got home late from a doctor appointment, I called her and she got the casserole in the oven, cut up some fruit, made a vegetable, set out some bread and had everything on the table when I got home.

However, in the interest of making her future husband a happy guy, I do need to start some more intensive cooking training.

Mary H. asked, What classes did Sarah choose for her freshman year?

So far, the only thing that’s different from last year is that she added Chorus to her line up. However, her selections aren’t yet finalized. We’re still waiting on the results of her neuropsych testing since the person who grades the test was out of the country a few weeks. When we receive those results, we’ll have a better idea of which direction to head academically. At this point, her 8th grade teachers have actually recommended that she take several Honors courses in 9th grade; I’m a bit leery of her doing that for her first year in High School but we’ll see!

And as far as the other Smith Sibling goes, I had a couple questions about Nathan:

MN Mom asked, “How is Nathan doing?”

Mary H. asked, “When is Nathan coming back to visit?”

Nathan is doing well although he still hasn’t found a summer job. (Thankfully, he does have a job lined up when the school year starts.)

This job thing is actually starting to get a little bit ridiculous; the poor guy is halfway through July already! He’s had several interviews in the past few days and is just waiting on answers.

I think what may need to happen is that his mom might just need to drive to Florida, knock a few employer heads together and say, “Look. Just what IS your problem, dude? (or dude-ess.) This kid is the best employee you will ever have and if you don’t hire him immediately then I will, um, I will . . . .”

Hmmm. It seems as though my knowledge and usage of scary threats is just a tad rusty . . . maybe I’ll just let Nathan do his own thing. Without me. Sniff.

As far as when he’s coming back to visit, it might be a while. Once he does get a job, he’ll probably need to work it right up till the time school starts in mid- August. So it could be that the next time we lay eyes on the College Dude might be Thanksgiving. Which would mean a 7-month period of time without seeing him. Which is the longest I’ve ever gone! Which I may not be able to survive!

He turns twenty-one on September 18, but since we have the choice of either giving him a generous gift for that big birthday or traveling down to FL to see him, we’ll probably opt for the generous gift and just stay home and send him happy birthday thoughts in absentia.

You know what?

It’s really tough when a kid grows up and turns twenty-one and can’t come home and has his own life and a girlfriend and a job and college classes and friends and responsibility and car payments and, um, a real life.

But you know what? It’s also really wonderful when a kid grows up and does all those things because it means that we’ve done an okay job of getting him to this point in life and he’s finding independence and stretching his wings and getting ready to be a real grown up and make me even prouder of him than I already am.

So. That’s the Nathan Scoop. And just because I’m writing about him, I thought I’d share a couple of vintage pictures of him and me before a special event at his High School.

Before getting ready to go.

After.

And here is the mom of the College Dude (who was, at that time, the High School Dude) letting said Dude know that at any time and in any place, he should never forget that she can take. him. down.

Or not.

A Truck-ish Sort of Thing. Absquatulating.

This morning, Steve and I rode our bikes along this lovely trail.

As we were happily ridin’, talkin’, and sweatin,’ a vehicle went by and honked at us. A lot of times, our parishoners will pass by and honk or wave and so Steve said, “Who was that?”

I said, “I’m not sure. They honked after they were almost past.”

Steve said, “Well, what kind of vehicle were they driving?” (Let me just mention that Steve is highly gifted at matching up parishoners with their vehicles. Me? The only time I would notice what they drove was if they arrived at church on a donkey.)

In answer to his question I said, “Well, I don’t know exactly what they were driving. It was, um, sort of a, um, truck-ish sort of thing.”

A truck-ish sort of thing? Does that sound like a female description of a vehicle, or what?

Now we all know what details would have been involved if the conversation had been reversed. In fact, just for the fun of it, let’s reverse the conversation right here and now. It’s my blog—I can engage if Convoluted Conversation Reversals if I want to!

So here we go . . . .

Becky: Steve, what kind of vehicle just went by?”

Steve: “Well, it was a red Ford, 4x4 with a lift kit, dual exhausts and headers, a bed liner, running boards, off road tires, and a winch.

So! Which answer do you prefer? That answer or the “truck-ish sort of thing” answer?

In my defense, I think that my answer was elegant in its simplicity, straight to the point and phrased in feminine language. It was stated quickly and was efficient in the way it communicated the facts without any extra verbal baggage.

In other words? It said absolutely nothing.

Sigh. When I grow up, I want to be like Steve.

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In my next post, I’ll be answering a number of questions which have piled up in the comments area and will also let you know what’s going on with me on the cancer journey.

In the meantime, I’ve got a frightfully busy day ahead so I guess I shall vamoose! (Which sounds like a lot more fun than just plain ol’ leaving.)

Well, actually, speaking of words . . . Steve and Sarah’s and my favorite word for leaving is “to absquatulate.” Isn’t that absolutely wonderful? (Here’s the non-official pronunciation: ab-squat-choo-late.)

So today when you leave work or your house, instead of saying, “I’m leaving now," say, “I’m going to absquatulate.”

Go ahead. I dare you!

If you do it, you will hereby become an Honorary Smith!

Snowy The Decorator

Have you ever tried to pick a carpet color when there are endless acres of carpet colors to choose from?

Have you ever tried to decide on just one paint color when you can’t even manage to narrow your choices down to fifty?

Well, that’s where we’ve been lately. Thinking about choices. Too many choices. And the more choices we’ve looked at, the more overwhelmed we’ve become.

Don’t the two of them look overwhelmed?

And so, being the wise (not to mention smart) family that we are, we did the only possible thing we could do under the circumstances. We called in a professional. A carpet and paint professional who was already on site. A professional named Snowy.

Well, actually, if the truth be known, Snowy sort of called himself in. He just got rather tired of sitting on his sister's lap and watching his own personal humans run around in a dither of doubt, dismay and indecision. So he got right up, strolled on over and humbly inquired, “May I possibly be of service?”

And just so that we would be convinced that he truly was a highly trained professional, he proffered his card. Who could argue with such a polished presentation?

Since we never turn down good help, Steve was quick to ask his opinion.

“Snowy, which paint color looks the best?”

Snowy was about to answer when he noticed that there were paparazzi lurking in the room, trying to get a glimpse of the rare phenomenon known as the Decorating Dog. Before proffering his considered opinion to the man of the house, he glared at the camera with his best “You are bothering the important person" look.

And then with that small detail taken care of, he got down to work. Because you see, Snowy knows something about decorating that we human beings don’t understand. He knows that you don’t just make selections based on what you see—you make selections based on what you smell. (This one technique alone has the power to totally transform the decorating world.)

When Snowy had sniffed sufficiently, he then went on to the next step of his decorating technique which he humbly calls, “The Official Turning in a Circle Around the Color Wheel Maneuver.”

And why does he do this strange thing? Well, here’s the deal.

His movements reflect the shape of the color wheel and when he turns himself clockwise and then counterclockwise around the wheel, the essence of the colors make their way into the atmosphere and then into his (very small) brain and he is then able to discern from the path of the colors and the aura of the pigmentation encapsulated in the color wheel which of the correct colors are to be chosen. (Or at least that’s how he explained it to me.)

After the Circling Ceremony had ended, Snowy decided that he was working way too hard and was coming perilously close to the end of his Doggie Decorating Endurance. And so it seemed that a good, hearty yawn was in order. (Obviously, his mother never taught him to cover his mouth while yawning.)

And then suddenly, in the placid post-yawning moments that followed, something very important occurred to Snowy. Since he is a pastor’s dog, he has heard many times about asking God for wisdom when one doesn’t know which way to turn. And Snowy thought that maybe the time had come to ask for a little extra wisdom. So he did.

And then, as inspiration struck, he looked up! He just knew the answer was close by, even right there in the very room!

He looked to his left.

He looked to his right.

He cast a glance behind him.

He sat very still and pondered all the things that needed pondering.

And then he plopped down near the previously encircled color wheel and asked, “Isn’t it about time for lunch?”

The End.

In about an hour, the silence of the last thirty-six hours will be broken by the arrival of a certain Princess Groovy Chick and a certain King Groovy Dad.

Steve left yesterday at 5 am to pick Sarah up from Victory Junction Gang Camp and then, since it was fairly close to the camp, visited a young man from our church who is in an alcohol treatment program. Afterwards, he and Sarah drove another ninety minutes into Charlotte and spent the night with his mom and dad. This morning, Steve had breakfast with a young friend of ours who's going through some tough times and then he and Sarah hit the road for the 6-hour trip home.

Snowy and I have done a pretty good job of holding the fort in their absence. I declared both days to be Lazy Days and rented a couple DVD's and had pizza for dinner last night. (One of the DVD’s, Extraordinary Measures with Harrison Ford, was wonderful and especially poignant given Sarah's medical history. I cried several times during it and absolutely LOVED the ending--it made me laugh and cry.)

Today I didn't feel real great and have actually spent most of the day in bed asleep, which was kind of odd. In fact, it's almost 5 pm and I'm still in my pajamas. I've been a little chilly and then a little warm and a little bit "wobbly" feeling, so I might have caught a little bug somewhere along the way.

At any rate, Snowy and I have enjoyed our little respite from the busyness of life but are looking forward to welcoming our two wanderers back home. I'm actually pondering whether or not I should attempt to get up and make something stunning for dinner or just put on my most pitiful of pitiful faces and make Steve and Sarah fend for themselves. Or maybe I'll compromise and just heat up some leftovers.

No matter what ends up on the table, the fact that we'll be eating it together is what counts.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of Sarah from when I dropped her off at camp.

A cool wall mural.

The very colorful rooms in the Body Shop. (Medical clinic.) Each camper had to spend time with a nurse when they checked in.

The counselor who led Sarah to her cabin said that the rules stated that they had to bunny hop when they crossed a certain road.

I’m glad I was way too busy taking pictures to engage in Bunny Hoppy-ness.

Pillow Wars Part 3

The poll is closed with a total of 279 votes cast.

Arrangement #1 got 176 votes. (64%)

Arrangement #2 got 103. (36%)

Now before I go further, I need to mention one thing. In the seven years that we’ve owned that particular comforter and pillows, I have mentioned to Steve maybe one or two times the difference in our pillow arranging techniques. His arrangement doesn’t bother me whatsoever; it just amuses me that we have both steadfastly stuck to “our” arrangements for all these years. And that’s why I thought I would bring in some second (and third) opinions.
As several of you said, I am just thankful to have a bed-making husband at all! I don’t care where he puts the pillows!

And speaking of the difference between his technique and mine, I was quite entertained by the following comment:
“Kristin, Meagan and Joy say #1 is the best way...although #2 has a lot of character:) Nathan says #2 is better.”
In case you didn’t catch the significance of that comment, Kristin and Joy are Meagan’s (Nathan’s girlfriend’s) sisters. All three of the Hawley sisters liked my arrangement the best and the one man in their midst (Nathan) liked Steve’s arrangement best. Nathan had absolutely no clue as to which arrangement belonged to which parent; it’s funny how he naturally gravitated toward Steve’s.

Another comment . . . .

Jenny said, “When my hubby makes the bed, it looks like he left a sheep in it!”

Pam found that comment as funny as I did. Here’s what she said,
“#2 has to be Steve's. It just does. I like Cleo's idea too... more depth. Do show us a pic so we can give our opinions on how to decorate YOUR home... :-> And Jenny's comment cracked me up, because oh lawdy yes.... it certainly DOES look like a sheep spent the night if my hubs makes the bed! “

Texas Frannie said, “I vote for Arrangement number 2. However, I would change it to make the colors of the ends of the pillows match.”
Busted! I guess I need to work on my “detail-noticing skills!” so that I can be as observant as Steve and Frannie!
I enjoyed this comment from Jan because what she said is exactly what we do—make the bed whichever way we want. And if the Garden Club SHOULD ever be scheduled for a tour of our house, I think I shall just leave the country!
Jan said, “If you want to encourage further bed making on the part of your husband, I'd say encourage him to make it any way he wants on HIS day, while you make it YOUR way on YOUR day. Unless, of course, the garden club will be touring your bedroom that day, in which case I'd hire an expert.”

Carol had an interesting concept.
“Consistency is not good for the soul. I think the best solution is to have the pillows different every day. You could step out of choices one and two, and come up with zillions more. Maybe a contest as to who will come up with the best* arrangement.”
That’s an intriguing idea; the only problem I have with it is that I’ve had a hard time coming up with even one arrangement! Pillow creativity does not seem to be my strong suit.

Sheri said, “Of the two, I prefer arrangement #2. However, I would like to suggest a third option. Kirkland's has decorative pillows on sale for $8 right now. When you go get Sarah, pick up a couple more to create depth. (And probably more arguing! Smile.)”

Sheri, as you continue to read, you will be happy to note that we have found a solution that incorporates your suggestion without having to buy more pillows! (Steve and I would both draw the line at getting more decorative pillows; we’re just barely patient enough to deal with the ones we have!)
Mrs. Pam said, “I think #1 is Becky and #2 is Steve. I prefer #1 except that the dark colors on the big pillows should each be at opposite ends (outside edges of the bed). (Note from Becky: Aha! Another color noticer!) I think it would look better if the two round pillows weren't hanging over the edge, and the fringey pillow should be horizontal in front of the other pillows, making a triangular arrangement.
It appears that Mrs Pam, along with someone who went by “Anonymous” and Cleo have come up with our winning idea. I’ll let Cleo explain it to you.

“I think arrangement #1 looks better than arrangement #2, but I think arrangement #3 looks best of all! Arrangement #3 is as follows: pillow shams against the headboard, pushed together; round pillows in front of shams, pushed together end to end, or very close to each other end-to-end; finally the smaller decorative pillow is placed in front of the end-to-end roll pillows, centered. Similar to this, but mushed together:”
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So ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a decision! This is the pillow arrangement we are going with from here on out. (Truthfully, I’d never really loved Steve’s or my arrangements and I can see now that what I was missing was that extra row out front which provides more visual depth.)
And now . . . . (drum roll, please) . . . here is the final presentation. (And please note that the colors at the ends of the pillows match.)




Thanks everyone, for your participation and for making this such a fun week here at Smithellaneous!

Pillow Wars Part 2

I'm sorry to leave you all hanging concerning this very important Pillow Conundrum but my morning has been taken up by an unexpected visit to the vet; Snowy has (another) urinary tract infection. The visit cost $200 because the vet did an x-ray too, just to be sure Snowy didn't have another kidney stone. Thankfully, he didn't. (Our last kidney stone episode with him aged us all about twenty years.)

On another topic, I must say that Steve and I have been highly entertained, amused and educated by all of the pillow ponderings that we have been the recipients of.

I'll wrap this whole thing up tomorrow with various comments on your comments (and on the poll) but for now I will just let it be known that Arrangement #1 is mine and Arrangement #2 is Steve's.

We truly loved reading your guesses and especially the reasoning behind the guesses! Hilarious! More on that tomorrow, too.

For now I'm rushing back to the church to complete the work I should have gotten done while ferrying Sir Snowy to his doctor.

Tonight Steve and I are going out on a Big Date to see Karate Kid! At the wonderful $5.00 theater! Fun!

We were going to go out to eat too, but I think that Snowy's little shenanigans of the morning may compel us to eat at home instead.

Alrighty then. I'm gone. We'll have a Pillow War Wrap Up tomorrow and let you know if we have chosen Option 1, 2 or 3 (thanks, Cleo) as our Personal Pillow Arranging Strategy.