Monday, August 24, 2009

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

I had a laughably lofty goal of getting up this morning, doing some more unpacking, straightening up a little, saying good bye to Nathan and then sitting down to write a lengthy, poignant, humorous, unforgettably fabulous post, complete with wondrous pictures--all before noon.

And how did that plan go?

Ha. That's how the plan went.

After I had crawled out of bed, I stumbled blearily around the house a while and then took Sarah with me to pick up Snowy from the kennel. I was a bit worried about him because it's been a long time since he's been away from all of us for five days. Amazingly, he was calm and happy and hasn't shown any ill feelings toward us for abandoning him to the land of strange people and strange dogs. Good ol' Snowy. He's such good therapy.

Got back home, helped Nathan a little with some last minute laundry, ate breakfast, checked my e-mail and then it was time for the oldest chick to fly from the nest. Again.

As I hugged him, I briefly felt a temporary rush of tears but then it occurred to me that I was just too tired to cry. But I wasn't too tired to know I was going to terribly miss my funny, fun, loving, fabulous oldest child.

The really cool thing about the timing of these past few days is that if Dad had died even one day later, Nathan wouldn't have been able to attend the funeral. He already had to get permission to be late to school and the absolute latest he was allowed to get there was tonight.

It's going to be a tiring day for him, on top of a lot of tiring days. He'll drive ten hours, arrive about 7 pm, move into his dorm room and then start classes tomorrow morning. He's been up at since 5:45 this morning, packing his stuff and working with Steve to rotate the cars on his tire and change the oil. I'm glad he's young!

At any rate, after Nathan left, I took one look at all the tasks surrounding me and got so overwhelmed that I fell back into bed and slept three more hours. I told Steve that I would be an "up and down" person today. A couple hours up, a couple hours in bed . . .

I'm just so very happy to be back at home, sitting in my own personal recliner, with my own personal dog tucked in beside my very own personal person.

I know that when the numbness and fatigue wear off, there will still be layers of grief to work through, but for now I am just thankful for this quiet day at home--a place of peace for a weary heart.
_______________________


Since this was sort of a Nathan Post, I'll close with some Nathan Pictures from our trip.

With my mom.


The morning of the funeral. Steve and Nathan with my sister, Debbie.


Meeting up with some cousins. From left to right: Caleb (Debbie's son), Sarah, Andrew (my brother Tim's son), and Isaac (my sister Ruth's son).



I'm still wondering when my little guy grew up.


The little country church near where dad was buried had a bell. And of course, the Smithettes had to ring it.


The graveside service (With Rev. Randy Mantik, Debbie's husband.)



Nathan was invited to read something at the graveside.



With his Uncle Tim, my oldest brother.


My favorite Nathan Picture of the day.

13 Had Something To Say (Just click here!):

Kathleen said...

You MUST be tired, Becky..."rotate the cars on his tire"!!! Glad you are home safe and sound, now you better get some sleep!

MaryH said...

Yes, I too liked the "rotate the cars on his tire!" It made me smile and also made me glad you are having an "up and down" day - you deserve and need some rest. I love the pictures of where your Dad came to rest - what a wonderful view of hillsides of woods and the rolling fields coming into beautiful green corn fields. What a peaceful place.

Also, some of the things you listed in your earlier post - like showing the house....makes me wonder just how busy your dad has been since arriving in Heaven - he is probably having a chat with God and saying...."Okay, please, isn't it time to have some pieces fall into place for my little girl and her family?" You may be amazed at the speed of things now that your Dad is on the job!

Safe travels to Nathan. I hope Sarah had a good birthday.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I must be tired today, too! Not only did I not catch the "rotate the cars on his tire" part...But I also had to read the updated post a couple times to understand what was going on! HA!

Traci
Hunker, PA

Anonymous said...

Hoping & praying you get to calm down some & get some much needed rest. I get worn down just by one emotional thing, much less having as much emotions put on you as you have this week!! I think you need to declare a pajama day and stay in them all day. That is what I do when I get stressed out and wore down. Hope Nathan has safe travels to college!!
Donna T.

Anonymous said...

I got so caught up in everything else, I completely forgot to wish Dear Sarah a Happy Belated Birthday!!

Lesley said...

I never saw a cemetary next to a cornfield!

Anonymous said...

Becky, If you have more pictures of the funeral I hope you can post them. Since I couldn't be there I would love to see all the pictures I can. I have enjoyed these you have posted.
Your cousin Sandy

Sue G said...

Oh, Becky, Mary H is so right. I did notice that the house was shown as soon as you came back, and I had thought to myself that so many things seem to moving forward with the job interview, the house showing, the new opportunities to sing and preach. I didn't make the connection that your very own personal angel is now whispering in Our Father's ear.

Daddy to Daddy. What a great picture.

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